Soho Safari
Sometimes you just wanna ‘ave it, and destroy yourself with an epic session, the only answer for this is to hit Soho and supersize it. Home to the wildest gay bars, the baddest brothels and the craziest cocktail bars, who will all welcome you into their seedy underbelly. Here’s how to have a night that if you can remember, you might want to forget:
If the sun is shining there’s only one place to spend the afternoon and that’s the Aqua Nueva bar and restaurant. It may look a bit like some seedy gay lounge, drive on as the lift will take you up to the 5th floor and one of London’s best skyline views. The cocktails are spenny, the sushi is delicious, get your sun fix whilst chilling out with the DJ. Literally heaven on a terrace in this part of town.
If you’re needing a stomach-lining lunch, it’s payday and your in a small crew then head to Barrafina for the best fancy tapas in town and some top quality sherry. If you’re a cheapskate then neck a falafel or some street-meat, there’s loads around, Yala Yala ain’t too bad for a half way house.
You might also want to hit Spuntino before the queues. It’s the diner of all diners and with a small selection of perfectly priced and delicious cocktails it’s easy to enjoy this touch of Brooklyn bang smack in the middle of sleazy Soho. Hix is just round the corner and one to hit before things get too wild. The door policy can be strict but make sure you’re polite and if you’re with some hotties even better.
Time to start some serious boozing now, so pitch up at the legendary French House. You’ll find Soho’s finest on their third bottle… so either join them, or neck a couple of Breton Ciders and pretend you’re a literary loser, rather than just a loser.
As darkness falls, head to the Groucho Club a few doors up. Not a member? Then casually light up a cigarette and befriend a wingman or 2 outside before tailgating them into this legendary members club. Once you get kicked out of “the G”, it’s appropriate to go looking for vice so continue up Dean Street for a drink with Tony and his harem of foreign pussy at Sunset Strip. Order yourself a lap dance, you’ve earned it. Not feeling the ladies? Then QV is just next door, it’s civilised and my god the drinks are good. Do try and get to the members bar upstairs it isn’t that hard, just walk in like you own the place…
The Mexicans have got it going on: La Bodega Negra has an underground tequila bar and they have some killer labels to try. Trashed/peckish again then grab some tacos and wash it down with a Margarita. Just down the road you can compare drinks with Margarita no.2 at El Camion. It’s all about the Baja Room downstairs – the ultimate place for a Soho boogie, just watch out for the stairs.
Next up you’ll be wanting more tunes with a comfy seat so head to the Player Lounge and get yourself a Martini. This is good hunting ground if you’re on the pull, or grab some playmates and push on to Gerry’s or Trisha’s where it’s about to get sweaty. You’ll be in pieces by now in the small hours (if not The Bar will finish you off) – and if you haven’t fallen into a brothel, or passed out in the back of a cab then go sober up with a cup of London’s best coffee at 24 hour Bar Italia, or head to Balans for breakfast before heading straight into work.
