If you haven’t heard of the infamous Dolphin, you’ve been living under a rock. Either that or you haven’t been to Hackney. Every East Londoner knows this place. Whether you love it or hate it, you know it, and you've woken up with a Dolphin stamp on your wrist/face.

Whatever the reason for your visit (we're not interested in your excuses), you ended up in The Dolphin to have a great time. Here is the place to listen to cheesy music (they play R.Kelly's Ignition every hour) and have a dance in a room packed full of sweaty people all charged up on cheap booze. And just when you think it can’t get any better, they go and whack a takeaway van in the garden where you can buy a horrifically greasy burger and chips to accompany you (and possibly a new date) onto the A.P./home.